The Story Life Starring Me You And Them

The Hype

2011-08-13T12:24:00.000-07:00

Dota 2

My first impression: will be epic.

My second impression: oh no please dont let this be HON.

In less than four days dota 2 will be revealed.

Maybe not fully but partly.

I hope it get to see the gameplay.

Will it be able to beat its predecessor DOTA?

Will steam make all icefrog's work worth it?

Or will it be another fancy graphic game.

But as far as i know.

P2P will be one of the reasons why the original dota will be kept running alive..

And till that day my friends,
Lets keep up hopes so that DOTA2 will kick ass.

"Mena sik?"

.

2011-07-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

What was life before i began searching,
Before i began wondering,
And yet wander i alone in the bask of oblivion.
Under the sun was a huge desert,
Under the moon was a never-ending sea.
Nothing to grab but my own shadow,
In an unknown land i fell hopeless.
But soon were i to give up,
One but a virtue laid her grace upon me.
And what life seemed,
An oasis of the desert,
A shore near the sea,
Another shadow to grab,
And there was i,
A land so familiar i called home.
Thank you.

And It All Ends.

2011-06-11T02:44:00.000-07:00

So it was after a week when we finished our Liaison Officer program for the new batch's MAP.
I had fun so,
Thank you guys.

I get to know those guys I really din know yet,
Might be too late but,
Its better late than never?

Und hallo thar!
Uhh the sadness I feel as i step out of the dorm.

Kolej ~~Sri Samarahan~~ Seroja

A name i will never forget.
Tho it only provides me only 1 year of shelter,
I am grateful for it,
I had friends, good ones,
I met with the beautiful lady (notice the singularity) there.
And so my room: M51 (With Abid aka Nujum Pak Cengkerik), M48 (Nizzal Syafiq's), M44 (Jethro Eli's), M29 (Muhaimin Johari, Hasbullah Hasbi, Jethro Eli, Adzim Adib)
Laughters of joy.
I will miss you guys.

So the MAP.
'Twas good, tho some complains it to be so childish and stuff.
Posted as the Food AJK so wasn't that hard of a job.
And some people with their double personalities.
And sleepless nights (and days).
And oh wth a week has gone.
*sighs*
.....
*sighs again*

And forward is but a long journey.
I may go to engineering school.
And so we might part ways for academic persuation,
Will this be the end?

It is of my sincerest intention but to live this we have here. Work with me and we'll be alright.

How long will it be?
4 years?
or 5?
But anyhow,
It is not my wish to let this one slide.
I love you.

And all but we stand here today,
Looking but straight forward.
I leave it all but to fate and destiny.
While I do my very best to prevail.
Good luck all.

A song for everyone. The lyrics are for no one, because they are not yet dead.

p/s: WHERE THE HECK IS JUMONG?!!

"Mena sik?"

Wow

2011-05-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Believe me, after reading some other people posts,
It wowed me on how they have shown that they have lost.
Haha tampered in anger?
SUMPAH KU INGGA. =P
But oh well what to do.
If he doesn't like something what can I do?
But yeah I felt pity,
You have my sincerest umm sympathy.
And hey don't get too soft. =P

"Mena sik?"
Oops.

Insomniac.

2011-05-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well i might as well post the song Owl City - Fireflies right now,
But nay I'm too lazy to do anything.
Sides there are these linkin park songs stuck within the walls of my head.
Crappy.

So i can't sleep.
Without company. (she is asleep)
Dota?
Nobody to play with.
AI?
They're not humans duh.
GG?
Total strangers naah.
And there are ants on my screen.
Sigh.

And yeah so i decided to roam in the net.
Finding apps for my new Droid phone.
Haha. (She hates my phone)
And i miss jumong. (Block M's cat) (She hates it too)

Lalalala.
I'm bored.
So yeah anyone alive and feeling bored too.
Pop up my chats, im not a ghost.
Not literally.

"Mena sik?"
Happy Hunting.

All Is Over.

2011-05-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

"What if all is over?"

And hereby i announce that we're free from Asasi Unimas.
Shall we be the first batch,
Shall we be none but the very best.
And hey who knows if our paths will cross again?
And i will you all but the best.
For this humble soul may have wronged you.
Apologies offered.

And so our era of pre-undergraduate have passed.
Wont be long before we set foot there again.
But oh wait!
Yes, yes.
We've to face the results first.
I honestly hope nobody will be summoned again.
I honestly do.

So what now?
~~Work~~ Sleep.
~~Study~~ The hell?
And yeah game.
And believe it or not,
I haven't opened any of my game yet.
I miss my dormies.
Everyone who plays DotA with me,
Non stop.
Ever-wailing-moment.
And yeah beat each other up.
Not to mention my old friends.
My mentors.
Heh,
Don't be so ~~humble~~ proud.

And a declaration i made. =)
And oh, if you know the story.
Will you be touched.
Lots of <3 to this particular person.

Beautiful isnt she?
=)
Thank you.
For filling the life of this humble soul.
May the force be with you.
Don't sulk too much alright?

Will be talking to you guys again.
Until then,

"Mena sik?"
Tata.

I am back.

2011-04-16T04:56:00.000-07:00

"Bait bait jaga dirik di sinun" - Mom.

"Mun perlu duit mintak jak" - Dad.

"Boh lupak beli **** kering ngn aku" - Jethro.

And last but not least.

They were the few ones who wish me for a good trip.
And indeed it was a good one.
Partly educational, partly hilarious, partly fun.
Und Hallo everyone.
I am BACK.
Well don't woe though, cause I'll be only staying here for another month - or shorter.
From Bintulu that is.
Didn't change much since I ever go there last few years.
And woah since election is nigh that time, there were convoys passing when we're having dinner.

Although it's practically a one day visit, but yeah its cool.
I like the room.
Twice the size of ours. lol.
And the activities are nice.
MLNG and stuff.
And shhhh.. I slept during the talk. ROFL.
Similajau was a bit of the spotlight of the trip.
Beaches,
And there were supposed to be crocodiles there,
Wanted to take pictures of it,
But ended up taking pictures of people making their face like crocodiles instead.
HAHA JK.
But yeah so many good pictures.
And hilarious ones.
LOL.
Check out my Facebook account for the pics.
I will upload it later too.
Overall, enjoyable.
Though I miss her being around nagging and laughing,
And I miss my bright lappy,
But let this be an experience.

Good day.

"Mena sik?"
Out.

3 months.

2011-04-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

Hello there fellas.

Here I am reliving my blog.

I'm going away tomorrow,

Somewhere far far away,

Well actually to Bintulu.

Missing me? Don't.

Happy? Please Do.

I hope the trip would be educational enough for me to not regret going.

No no not educational.

Fun suits more.

Sighs.

I guess you must have forgotten about this blog.

I'll try to keep it alive as much as possible.

Well i'm not playing dota now so yeah i can blog a bit. hee.

And so hows life?

Good I hope?

Mine's better.

Ima brag about it soon.

Hahaha.

"Life is but a wheel, sometimes you conquer the top, sometimes you fall."

And I guess i'm in the middle?

I don't know.

And of course, don't get jealous.

You have better life than mine.

Really.

And Oh,

I have a secret,

Well actually two secrets.

Ima tell later.

But yeah one is quite knows (although the real truth is yet to be)

And one other? I'll keep it just to MYSELF.

Just MYSELF.

Yes yes.

M-Y-S-E-L-F.

Well its something in my lappy if you can find it.

Chuckles.

And my gaming life?

Trying my best to the WODOTA level.

Wish me luck guys. =)

And personal life?

Well there's this one girl.

Haha,

Someone i couldn't imagine to be with.

But nevertheless i'm content.

With everything.

Thank you.

And I promise to relive my fan fict on the holidays.

I have the draft with me but never had a chance to publish them.

Just rough stuff.

And I guess I finally have some friends here.

I'm glad.

One particular person even told me he is.

Touched. tsk.

Thanks.

And to others, sorry if I made you guys hate me.

I'm 'hateable' am I not? =)

And finally, good luck for the coming final exams.

I'm really going to miss having everyone around.

And the classes too.

I wish everyone the best of luck.

Yeah just to make sure i said it.

Thats all for now!

Mena sik?

Tata.

Preference.

2010-12-24T06:28:00.000-08:00

Some say options.

Some say choices.

We opt.

We choose.

We prefer.

Und hallo guys.

This is a post about..

The title explains it all.

Weird?

Is there anything to say?

Perhaps.

Recent things happen made me wanted to post this.

Partly annoyed.

Sighs.

I won't show.

I just feel.

So what IS preferrance?

Say, you play a game.

There should (must actually) be an 'option' at the menu.

Graphic settings,

Resolutions,

Aspect ratios,

Anti Aliasing,

V Sync,

Voice,

Sound,

BGM,

SFX,

Difficulty.

It's basically what we prefer having or using.

Or seeing,

Or believing.

But why am I talking about this?

It's because some people do not understand,

On how to respect others' preferences.

People criticize you for using your options.

Here's an analogy.

"I don't like to listen to metal songs. They suck." - Example.

I don't mind if you say you do not listen to metal songs.

But saying they suck portrays disrespect towards me.

How about if I say.

"I don't like you. You suck."?? - Me, Yes me.

You probably won't mind me telling I don't like you being you.

So what right?

You suck pushed the limit.

I might get hit after that.

See the point.

It's all about respect.

Even if you are not satisfied it doesn't mean you should sound them out aloud.

Some people might not care, true.

But most people do.

So, respect others point of view.

You have no effing right to stop their freedom of speech, their personal thoughts, and their chosen paths.

Do not misunderstand me though.

It's not wrong to tell anyone if they mess up or did something bad.

But never criticize it so badly.

We are born here,

In a place full of courtesy and hospitality.

It's nothing wrong if a guy plays the Sims 3, or talks to himself, or talks to cats.

I play the game, I talk to myself, I talk to cats.

People call me sissy, people call me crazy, and people call me illogical.

I don't care,

As long as they don't add insults along.

AAAhhhh.

I'm all good now.

At least it's what I thought.

People always say

"I don't care" - When people tell them to not care where actually they care about it.

And probably that's all I wanted to crap.

Until then,

Actually It's been awhile since I talk something philosophical.

And sorry for the colourless, bold-less, italic-less, cancel-less, and underlined-less (if these words exist), I'm a bit too lazy now (I did blacken the whole thing), but anyways enjoy. =)

Farewell.

"Mena sik?"

Hmf!

Goodnight.

My Book So Far.

2010-12-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

~~Four point oh.~~

Three point one two.

That's my score.

It's a bit too late to tell, but that's it.

Part of me says congrats, while another was disappointed.

"I'm sorry. I passed." - Me.

I will do well this semester, with the factor:
1. Physics with 6 chapters? duh!
2. Tight schedule.
3. Less DotA (Trust me)
4. I feel more witty than ever. (Imaginary)
5. I don't know. I just have the feel. You get what I mean?

Und hallo everyone.
We meet again.
How are you guys doing?
I hope it's been good news.
Me?
I'm moving on with life.
Where I realized my efforts all this time are in vain.

"No chemistry" - Anonymous.

Quite a while, with a bunch of thanks and credits.
Don't get me wrong,
Maybe it just doesn't work.
I'm sorry.

And my gaming life?
DotA: fewer but more brutal than ever. We're in a competition! Wish me luck. My first fight was a win.

Me as Nevermore (Shadow Fiend)
Gene Nyanau as Terrorblade (Soul Keeper)
Jacob Minit as Leviathan (Tidehunter)
And my teammates are good. Gene got a Triple Kill!
p/s: I didn't realize he got the kill because of some complications.

And other games?
Re-playing.
4GB RAM FTW!!

*Coughs*
I uh,,..//]] (Purposed typo)
Nothing.
Wee!
I'll tell in my next entry.
Be sure..
Be really sure to follow my blog.

And to all my friends:
Thanks again for being my friends.
God bless you.

And what's up next?
Yet to be known,
There to be explored,
Until then,
Have fun,
Enjoy every part of life;
Even sad ones,
Hey,
Something's hidden on the other side. Who the EFF knows?
Smile!
Cheer!
Laugh!
Cry!
Wail!
Scream!
With ALL your might.

I'm done for now.
And be sure to be updated for my fan fiction - The Brother Pandaren.
Until then,

"Mena sik?"
Hmf!
Goodnight.

The Beginning Of The End?

2010-12-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

Hallo everyone.

Semester 2 has started so I guess, more writing materials!

For my blog of course.

Don't misinterpret the title to a bigger scope.

I'm not talking about the end of my life, nor the apocalypse.

But well maybe I am?

Death will come fetch us when the time comes.

The 'End' here means the end of our Foundation life.

Yes.

The final (by default) semester of Asasi.

And people will make new resolutions.

Why?
Hell yeah these are the decisive moments.

For our future.

Mine?

I don't know.

And seriously, I'm tired of being the i-don't-know person.

I wish I have all the answers pointed at me.

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired." - Nick, Left 4 Dead 2.

And gaming doesn't hurt much yeah?
Oh it does?
I'm sorry.
For playing any games with you guys.
Some would blame the game tho.
I never did.
Why would I blame the best invention ever happened in this world?

Maybe I'll put a little bit more effort in this semester.
You know,
Like...
You know what I mean!

Anyways, good luck for the semester!
This is such a short post,
Ima post again soon for ideas, stories and confessions.
Soon as I gain my humanity again in this place. :D

For the latest of my fan fiction, click exactly --->here<---

The question remains..
"Mena sik?"
Tata~

MUET - A Little Bit About English.

2010-11-11T06:27:00.000-08:00

First and Foremost,

Thanks to Nizzal Syafiq, for giving me this idea.

Yeah yeah i'm a poser.. Blah blah blah..

Und hallo everyone.

This is a poser-ish post. Bear with me.

I have no more idea what to talk about,

Since I've nothing to talk about,

The hols sucks.

Uhuh.

I can say that again.

MUET.

Malaysian University English Test.

Most Unnecessary English Test.

One thing I can only wish

That there is a question on writing,

written not based on facts,

but creativity.

YES fiction!

Too bad there's none.

Oh well.

How do I learn English?

Look around you.

The subtitles in TV programmes might be the easiest way.

But still that narrows your vocabulary.

Well for me, by playing games is the most practical way.

Why?

WHY?

To play a game you must know how to play it.

To know how to play it you must understand what it wants.

To understand what the goal is you must READ and UNDERSTAND each and every sentence.

But still how to understand it when there is nothing to help you?

There are various ways:

Assume - For example, He made a blunder and lost the game instantly. What the heck is blunder? See around the sentence. Lost is an obvious thing to see. And what do we do to lose? Make mistakes! So blunder is approximately a mistake!

The Dictionary - Hello, what is that one helluva thick book is for again?

Thesaurus - It's not a name for a species dinosaur, obviously. Another simple thing, find simpler synonyms and there you'll get the idea what is it about.

Your Father* - Ah my favourite. "Pa, what does this mean?" *(Won't work all the time)

And the thing that drives me is the GAME.

It's like doing your hobby. You need to understand what your hobby is about. The same goes to languages.

You must have the INTEREST in English to fathom the art within.

Things that might drive you to learn English:

-Games.

-Music (HELL who doesn't like music?)

-Reading novel and other written arts.

-Listen to how other people talk.

-Make mistakes (Compulsory). I always make mistake in assuming the meaning of certain words.

-Passion for the language itself.

"For there shall be a will strong enough, There shall be a way hard enough" - Posted this on my previous post. Or not.

Grammatically?
I can't help you much.
You need to understand how the word structure in English works.
The singular-and-plural stuff.
The to-infinitive concept.
Conjunctions.
You will need the BOOKS for that.
Or if you can, try to listen carefully on how people talk in English.
And try to notice how they structure their sentences.
Notice that after the word 'to' the root word will be used.
There are special cases as well.
I won't touch em here.
Na'ah.

Well after all,
English is simple but yet can be complicated if taken to a higher level.
Improve your vocabulary,
Correct your grammars,
And start writing stuffs.
And please don't be so full of yourself to ignore the comments from other people.
Be down to earth and learn!
By mistakes we ~~fail~~ learn better, trust me.

Oh well some advertisements before I leave.
Do read my fan fiction. =)
-Prologue-
-Chapter 0-
-Chapter 1-
-Chapter 2-
-More coming soon-

And time to back off now, will be posting again...soon...I hope.
Coup De Grace
"Mena x?"
Tata.

My Reflection - Semester One.

2010-10-30T21:25:00.000-07:00

Too bad our dean haven't ask us to write THIS on the end of this semester.

Or else,

The office will be full of papers.

Sigh.

Und hallo everyone.

Glad it's the hols now eh?

Good to be home. *sneezes*

I left my flu here,

And it's claiming the time I took,

for leaving it behind.

Oh semester one,

Has begone thee,

Beautiful like the swan,

Memories be remembered by me.

Heh.

A short rhyming one-stanza poem.

I remembered the first day I'm in Unimas.

So....

BIG.

well, I had 2 classmates going here, so I'll be fine.

~~And I am.~~

And SO I thought.

But actually I kinda started it over again.

I'm familiar with nobody,

Nobody's familiar with me.

I am lacking the social skill,

I have many disabilities.

I'm no cool person.

I can't drive, nor ride a bike.

I don't play soccer/football. (I used to till I snapped my hand)

I only know how to game.

I lived in a small world.

Just of my own.

So starting it over was...

Hard.

I had friends yeah.

But not yet anyone I can trust to the fullest.

And now?

Still, tho I have good friends now. *claps*

And the most important thing,

I'm talking,

To anyone who's willing to listen,

I try to - at least - talk to girls.

Which I lacked, although i'm not from an all boys' school.

And one moment I most remembered.

My 1st PBL meeting. <3

I was charmed.

Captivated.

The one who made me smile without a reason,

The one who made me cry,

Who made me sleepless,

But not quite awake,

The one who brought me up,

And the one who bowed my pride.

The one who made me realize i too got flaws.

Tho things are confusing now.

But,

It has never changed.

If 'you' are reading this,

Remember what I told you?

I still am.

Cause;

"Shall there be a will strong enough, There shall be a way hard enough."

But dammit please say STOP,

If you think I should.

Thank You.

Thank You for all you've done.

And finally, friendships.

Friends are,

People who give you the strength,

The pillars of your soul,

The engineer of your sanity,

I love you guys,

Thanks for the:

Advices given,

Supports lent,

Fun we had,

DotA matches we've gone through,

Food we ate,

Merriment we experienced.

Summary - SEMESTER 1 ROCKS.

A bouquet of gratitude for everyone,

including the lecturers and students alike.

And it's raining. x)

Enjoyed em last week.

I guess there's too much crapping already,

I should back out and post another time.

And guys, any plans do inform me,

You might just saved my life.

"Mena x?"

Out.

2010-10-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Hallo Everyone.

It's been raining every evening now.
Cool.
And cold.
But still,
Cool.
somehow I kinda see your name somewhere, but where? =P

And yes,
yes,
yes for what?
Yes for the PHYSICS exam tomorrow?

I
am
~~ready!~~
dead.

"Seriously? Seriously." - My Roommate.

Eat that you lazy slacker!
Screamed my soul.
So they say;

"Save the best for the last" - who?

Let us join hands.
And hope,
and really hope,
The formula list will be given tomorrow.
Or I'll be cursing the paper tomorrow.
Sheeeeeeeeeet.
Tomorrow's gonna be one helluva struggle.
And after that,
DSP.
What what?
Dota-Sampai-Pengsan. (Dota-till-you-pass-out)
Again,
Seriously?
Not really.
At least till I felt nauseous.

And the holiday becoming.
I really effing hope i can see my bestfriends again.
Feroza™, Wakil Sekolah™, or the MoTW (Members Of The Windows) admins.
I really miss them.
It's really embarrassing to admit.
But I'm telling the truth here.
It's not that I had forgotten about you guys.

Yeah yeah I know i should go study now, or sleep.
Anyways.
To all reader(s)
Good Luck.
May-The-Force-Be-With-You™

And remember.

"(Correct Answers + Lecturers Mood) X (Confidence) = Total Mark." - Me.

Nonsense?
Whatever.
Kita-mesti-YAKIN.

"Mena x?"
Pass-out.

Our Fears Below - Higher High.

2010-10-24T02:20:00.000-07:00

Epica - Higher High.
Fireflies are flying higher
They draw their wings up in the sky
Something I cannot read now
For my vision is blurred

We are all ruled by our fears below
Higher high
We are stuck and can't get out again
There's more than we deny
And there's more than meets the eye

Fortune, fairytales; we've all been told
Our pattern, never built, never begins
I can tell you there can't always be
A happy end to every tale

We are all ruled by our fears below
Higher high
We are stuck and can't get out again
There's more than we deny
And there's more than meets the eye

We are all breathing the same air
That we share
We all just have to live
We are all equal
No matter black or white

We are all ruled by our fears below
Higher high
We are stuck and can't get out again
There's more than we deny
And there's more than meets the eye.

====================================
Und Hallo everyone.
Nice voice eh?
Believe me,
I wish the voice was mine. LOL.

So what's the point of this song.?
This song is about FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and EQUALITY.
Yes, the major and basic elements in life where we humans often do not realize their existence.
Oh you do realize?
What is fear then?
How do you describe fear?
Is fear the same as phobic?
I won't answer that.
I have touched about it in my first blog.

And you may have noticed the lines that I bold-ed and italic-ed.
Emphasizing. *Ehem*
We all breathe the same air.
Scientifically,
Oxygen gas.
SO,
Was there a difference between you and me?
NOPE.
Was there any difference between who you are and who I am?
YES.
THIS my dear reader(s), is the commonly misunderstood terminologies of between WHAT and WHO we are.
Humans. (Homo sapiens)
We have the same name. Yay!
I am not holier-than-thou and thou are not holier-than-me.
Begone who thinks of being a supreme being than others.
That is why we humans must treat each others well.
Don't you ever dream living in harmony?
Where racial difference is negligible?
Trust me if that happens.
This world is a better place.

And yes there is some part of the song which tells you that not every story has a happy ending.
Sad, isn't it?
What we always wish for is happiness.
But to seek happiness we must bring happiness to others.
Let our sorrow be a lesson to us.
For shall sorrow be the best teacher.

Our fears below, higher high.
This song pierces through my very soul.
Tsk tsk.
We cannot deny our fears,
It is real,
It is growing,
It is more than meets the eye.
~~We must isolate the source of our fear.~~
Confront your fear.

"Fear is not a factor for you" - Fear Factor.

Yeah i always watched the Fear Factor tv programme.
Walking down steep roads.
Eating crunchy worms.
Handling snakes and scorpions.
But I know sometimes what we fear is hell-of-a-lot hard to confront.
And as I mentioned in my first post.
There is no other way.

And now I shall take a step back and end my post here.
I'd love to sing this song again and again.
Be wary though, this band is a symphonic metal band.
Listen at your own risk.
But well this song is perfectly clean.
Enjoy!
Good luck with the examinations, guy(s).

"Mena X?"
Tata.

A little this and that.

2010-10-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

Und hallo again, lads.

Semester 1 has nearly come to an end eh?

Oh wait, the exams.

With my MUET speaking test around the corner.

Time for the final rush?

Yes.

Or maybe.

No?

I don't know.

Sigh.

And after that,

HOLIDAYS.

Seriously should you ask,

I don't know whether I am going to like it or not.

Yeah cool no classes.

Thumbs up.

But then again,

I won't be able to talk much as I like,

Nor I can meet my friends,

Where friendship is,

An important surviving element in life.

Will I be living in virtual worlds again?
And become my alter ego EvolutionX?

Call me weird,

I don't care.

Because somehow,

I felt that my life here is...

Fulfilling.

I feel more like Kaedy@Qaedi instead of Evo.

And again,

Credits and thanks to ALL and I mean ALL my FRIENDS.

The degree of my gratefulness is beyond of which I might cry for it.

And to some-other-one.

Thanks for the rains and sunshines.

You gave me a wonderful rainbow,

I won't care if I am just being hallucinative. (Syok Sendiri) LOL.

And guys,

read your books.

"Mena x?"

Tata.

Cause All You Do In Life Comes Back To You.

2010-10-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

Please buffer this song n listen to it. =)

	Kamelot - Karma .mp3

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I am a king of honor

gold and glory

but every king must also die

have I been just and righteous

what is glory

I know I've torn and taken life

and here I stand

a small and simple man

who will trade his karma for my kingdom?

a sacrificial rite to render truth

the fire in my soul rejects my wisdom

cause all you do in life comes back to you

I am a king in crisis

counting minutes

there is an ending to my reign

my sins have come to face me

I can feel it

that I have lived my life in vain

and now I know I'll reap

the seeds I've sown

who will trade his karma for my kingdom?

a sacrificial rite to render truth

the fire in my soul rejects my wisdom

cause all you do in life comes back to you

am I mad

I feel so void and cold

who can tell

who holds the stories untold

tired and trembling

I am descending

will I have to stay here

and live this life again

who will trade his karma for my kingdom

a sacrificial rite to render truth

the fire in my soul rejects my wisdom

cause all you do in life comes back to you

Und hallo guys,

"What goes around comes around."

Please don't stop the song.

Let it play over and over again.

I love this song.

Poetic.

Yet meaningful.

Lemme explain a little bit about this song:

It's about a person in possession of something great (in this song, a throne)

Who realized of the sins he made,

and desperately trying to find someone who would trade his karma,

for the person's kingdom.

But in truth,

It is not as simple as that.

Your fate is yours alone.

What you DO is what you shall GET.

I had a hard life emotionally,

and I'm wondering if sometime ago i gave a hard life.

Probably not,

but MAYBE, just MAYBE it's true.

The same goes to you.

Think before you act.

I may not fully believe in Karma,

but I do believe that all you do in life comes back to you.

"Nobody might notice what you did wrong, but GOD do" - Kaedy

And I apologize for disappointing you guys in any aspect.

I am not perfect,

But I will try to be the best I can.

I shall control my anger,

And I bet you might want to do the same.

I've highlighted some of the lyrics.

IN CASE IF YOU DON'T KNOW,

'The fire in my soul' refers to anger and hatred.

So guys,

Be nice eh?

It's not hard actually,

I've tried it,

And hoping that somehow it shall make me a better person.

And getting a better life afterwards. Wee~

By the way, DO comment for protests.

And don't forget,

Exam week is just and really just around the corner.

I wish you guys the best of luck.

And knowledge,

And Karma.

"Mena x?"

Roger and Out.

Cold War.

2010-10-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

Uneasy.
Hallo guy(s) and gal(s).

A loud shot makes everyone panic.
A silenced shot makes everyone fearful of being the next target.
There is not much difference between World War and Cold War.
Cause both hurts.
I hate to say "I'm neutral"
When two attachments of mine is in a crisis.
Or probably three.

You might say,
"Don't bother, it's not your problem."
DAMN RIGHT IT IS.
Go with A, B gets skeptical or jealous.
And the other way around.
AND DON'T TELL ME TO PICK ONE WHEN BOTH ARE MY FRIENDS!
It is hard to live in guilt, BELIEVE ME.
And right now,
Right now,
I am DAMN TENSION OF THIS SONG PLAYING IN THE AIR!

"Tutup TELINGA" Peruzz.
"Nang kekup." Azman.
"Benciknya ku nengar lagu tok." Abid.
"OUT" Kaedy.

Thats all.
How to be happy when all my friends give me the EFFing face.
Silence kills me,
Yet noise gave me the awkwardness.

So long.
"Mena x?"

Out.

2010-10-09T12:56:00.000-07:00

Hello guys, again.

It has been awhile.

Ten Ten Ten.

It's not that I am making a suspense noise.

And it is jeng jeng jeng actually. LOL.

Ten Ten Ten.

10 10 10.

Significant?

Look at the calendar.

OMG?

You are right.

But anyways that was just the commercial.

Now to business,

I have been doing so well so far,

I can't expect my old habit to disappear in a blink.

Or in a poof.

But I guess I occupy my time every now and then,

avoiding BOREDOM.

Plus,

I hate to say it,

Avoiding from thinking about my issues,

Where the word Wai-Ou-You (Y-O-U) plays the major part.

But hell, I really can't stop it sometimes.

Well I guess thats the side effect of being affected to so and so. LOL.

My chances?
I'll leave it to the hands of fate.

Yeah yeah it IS tough.

Trust me, I have been scratching the air ever since.

BUT,

I can say that my depression and distress has decreased,

and I prefer it that way.

There is no harm in being a little bit heartless sometimes,

Or was I wrong?

Go figures.

And somehow along the way,

I feel like being independent.

Managing my own self and stuff.

I hesitated to go home.

It's not that I hate my home.

But I feel so lonely and empty being at home,

until I started seeing things.

AND LOOK WHAT HAVE I POSTED LAST WEEK!

And hey,

What happened?

Okay now,

Some message,

Give me some truth please.

Thank you.

Truth about what?

Anything that I SHOULD know.

To whom I ask this question?

YOU. Yes you.

I am hungry.

But shall you don't have anything to tell me,

Don't be bothered about it.

General general, no offence, because i see no names.

Unless your name is You or Yes or Hungry.

Or The Truth (In GTA San Andreas The Truth is a person's name)

Then I am sorry.

And yeah,

I am still myself,

Hurt me and I will forgive you.

I talked much about toleration,

So what the crap am I talking if I myself did not apply it?

Exam is near.. Weehee..

Cannot wait to end this..
Study?

Umm well..

I'll do my usual study routine..

So long as I don't *snap!*.

Or cry while studying.

Or start talking different language. LOL

Never happens before.

That was just metaphors.

But who knows?

We can never push ourselves too hard.

Then later on realize that we are on the verge of death.

Then after that,

I am going to say it out aloud again,

With no fear.

With no doubt.

But only being fatalistic.

Say what aloud?

Not telling ya =P

And oh well, today seems to be a nice day.

SEEMS that is.

And oh rain how much i adore thee.

Fall so that i shall sleep peacefully.

And have a nice day.

So they said:

"Mena x?"

Tata.

2010-10-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

Hello again,

And greeters to fellow reader(s)

Just to make it rhyme. LOL

Obviously, or not, this week seems to flow so fast.

I didn't even realize today is Wednesday.

Oh wait, it's Thursday already?

Sigh.

So, hopes eh?

Tell me something guys.

Comment on my post if you never had hoped in your life.

But I guess nobody dares huh?

OR so to say,

We all do give our hopes on something, situationally or even yet desperately.

Need yet an example?

"When I grow up, I wish to be a doctor." - YOU, yes YOU.

*chuckles*

Nah not necessarily a doctor.

But yes, what are AMBITIONS if it is not your hope?

That's hope in some easy way to say.

Why do I talk about this in the first place?

You must wonder if I have any hopes I wish to tell.

If you do, give yourself a clap.

May it be true.

Oh you want me to tell?

Oh well.

"I just wish to be but a happy person." - Me.

And I didn't expect to change dramatically.

Or I'll die shocked of myself becoming so gay.

Today (Wednesday), I was nearly attacked by my depression again.

After two days I did a promise to myself not to think so much again.

After some desperate moments, I saw my friends coming back from somewhere.

A lucky call.

Or else I'll start to crawl again.

"I won't demand but I will just ask, I need you guys" - Me.

People around me,
From spectators to actors, so I shall say.
They now play a role to my life.
Sure sadness shall come once in awhile,
But,
Not WITHOUT a REASON dammit.
That is why,
I wanted to climb out from this hellish pit.
So people, do help me.

"Mena x?"
Sleep well.

Specter Specter!

2010-10-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

Hi again.
Troubled hearts are as heavy as sunken ships.
That's improper.
But anyways, it's still heavy.
Anything you do is... wrong... even though it's not!
Specter?
Ever heard of AC-130 Specter Gunship? It's the death from above.
THIS is a specter gunship:

A hit by one bullet is an ultimate OUCH!
But its not that specter that i'll be talking about tho.
In DotA, Mercurial the Specter is a force to be reckoned with.
It is a hero in which that when played excellently, would be the total nightmare of any other players.
Here is Mercurial the Specter or in DotA Spectre.

Well I am not here to write a guide on how to play specter. This is just a symbolic on what am I going to write next.

Now,
Back to the specter.
There is one skill which makes this ghost to appear anywhere on the map.
Yes, you are right. Her Ultimate. HAUNT.

Some Explanation.

Skill name: Haunt.
Duration: 4/5/6 seconds on level 6/11/16.
Description: Creates an image next to every enemy hero in the game, dealing 40% damage and receive 300% damage. No matter where you are, if this skill is activated, you are haunted. + Merc can activate another skill, following the ulti, which is the REALITY skill, where she teleports to an illusion of her liking.

This is specter in DotA. A hellish nightmare.

But again, that's not the point why am I writing this post.
It is about specters in our daily lives.
And I am not talking about ghosts here.
Everyone, yep, I said EVERYONE will have their own specters once in a while.
Your homework for instance, in case tomorrow's the due date and you haven't done a single bit of it yet.
Your teacher too for this matter.
Your heart will sink into despair, tremble into fear.
You will feel DARKNESS.

One song:
Darkness,
Imprisoning me,
All that I see,
Absolute horror,
I cannot live,
I cannot die,
Trapped in myself,
Body my holding cell.
- Metallica - One.

Although the song wasn't about spectres,
but that was the ultimate part of having one haunting you.

And believe me, my specter, I do have one, is the one person so dear to me, but yet, she haunts me day and night. Never did I like having one.
"You're crazy." - I probably am.
"You're overreacting" - It was not my wish.
"Stop thinking too much." - Not like this, dammit.

"How, how come I want you? Like the soil yearns for the rain?" Kamelot - EdenEcho.

Have you a specter I ask? Anything that haunts you? Your past? Or your present?
Or are you your own specter?

I am writing this because I need to express myself. I am partly mad of this insane ongoing ordeal.
Seriously, it is not of my wish. It was out of my control. I am sorry, kaedy.
I never thought that it would soon be like this.
At one point, I wonder if i should just have kept it in my thoughts some time ago. Let it pass.
But I guess, what's done is done. I am on my way now, I can't stop just yet.
One trait of mine I haven't mentioned.
Fatalistic.
What shall be my way, I shall go through it.
I shall let my fate be done, although I shall strongly struggle to endure the pain.
O Allah the merciful, heal my soul of impurities, may the best path be given to me.

"Shall I open my eyes, you are around. Shall I close it, you are in front of me." - Me.

And whatever happens, I shall close my eyes. And cry.
Of joy or of sorrow.
I am pretty depressive am I?
Who's fault was that?
I don't know, but I suppose it was just who I am.
Now, back to the specter.
Some say I just need a good slap to the face.
Haven't tried it yet.
I guess, the best way to end this nightmare is still mere confrontation.
All truth and no lies. All truth and no lies.
*Taking a deep breath in.*
*Releasing a heavy breath out*.
Which is a heavy sigh.

The Fog Of War - You will never know what is behind it.
Could be a Pudge waiting to meat hook?
Or a Mirana waiting to cast Elune's arrow?
Could be anything.
Or a Specter wandering around, waiting for a soul feast?
Again, specter. LOL.

I wish I can compress this whole feeling thing and focus on my upcoming exam.
Kill it and keep it in an urn.
Then I'll resurrect it sometime later.
Would any of you guys do that? No?
LOL what am i talking about? *facepalm and stabs himself*
This is critical. You have landed a Coup Dé Grâce on me.
And now you Wind Walked. And gone.

You have pwned Me for 300 gold.
======+Dota Chat Log+======

You [All]: LOL again.
Me [All]: Fuuuuuuuuuu~~~~

========================-

"Shall it be my greatest of fear to lose something dear, after or even before I was able to grasp it properly." - Me.

And yeah this song, love it:
I try my best to satisfy,
But all you do is waving me goodbye,
I don't know what I'm gonna do,
Cause I'm so crazy about you.
- Basshunter - Angel In The Night. EXACTLY.

You played the role as my specter perfectly that it was a total nightmare to me. Waarrghh!

Sigh, but on the other hand, there is a bunch of unsaid gratitudes. Thanks:
- For changing me - No longer 730 but 630. It feels great. I feel better as a human being. I began to take care of my hygiene, my attitude, my speech, my manners. tsk tsk.
- For bringing me absolute joy. Yeah of course.
- For inflicting me sadness. I feel like a human again.
- For hearing my woes. You are a good friend. A good listener. Open minded.
- For giving me memories. There are some things I did that I had never done before to cherish.
- For being my specter. It feels bad but at least I can see you. *stars on the head*

And some other things, should I forgot.

Yeah yeah I know, you won't probably care too much.
But so you know I do.

"I shall be bothered, But I shall not want to bother you." - posted this sometime ago.

Words of double meaning. Sort it out.
Talked much. Told much.
I am truly sorry if this post makes any of you sick with me.
I just wanted you to know how do I exactly feel, and by doing this,
I AM TAKING A HUGE RISK.
But I guess I have to carve this somewhere, or i'll be chasing geese.

Yeah all the depression and stuff.
And hey, I'm happy to have you wandering around in my heart. Life seems to be fulfilling lately.
And I'm thinking of keeping it inside. LOL.
Never mind the pain. Some typing will heal me. =)
And sorry again for the 'whats-wrong-with-this-guy' attitude.
It was just me unable to control myself. Now sit! *sleeps*
I'm thinking too much dammit! *slaps himself*
But oh well, it's common eh? Or not. *yawn*

Fun fact: When you order Mercurial to walk around in the game, she will eventually say something that sounds like:
*Mhenaa Shi?*
"Mena x?"

Later.

A late Hi.

2010-10-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

Oh where are my manners?

Hello.

The name given upon me is Muhamad Qaedi Bin Edanan.

Sorry for talking crap before telling who the crapper is.

I am 18, again.

Born on Twelfth of September One-Nine-Nine-Two. Right.

For some reason, My DOB and Name has a common factor.

12/09/1992 is one day away from 11/09/1992 i.e the day which... u know it.

My name is Qaedi and should you notice it, a certain nigh to Al - Qaeda.

I should stop.. Controversial! Controversial!

Sigh.

I posted a blog earlier on the elements of life, where I share my points of view to the world about life professionally.

But here I'm going gay and talk about stuffs generally which is my daily occurrences, random stuffs bla bla bla.

Here, my favourite intro phrase:

"I am a gamer" - Kaedy.

By the way, Kaedy or even shorter KD is my nickname. I searched for Kaedy in facebook and most of the results I get are females. OMG my name is that of a female's.
Another sigh.
But anyhow, it's unique isn't it?

Now back to the gamer thing.
Yes, I am one of those gamers you guys despise. Or not.
Some say I have the aura of keyboards and joysticks around me.
Some even saw a DotA game running inside my eyes when i stare them.
No comment. You judge. LOL.
What games I like? - Anything FUN or ATTRACTIVE.
Why do I play? - Mostly 2 reasons.
#1: I play to release myself from the strains of the real world. If I do, I won't care should I lose or win. Sometimes winning or losing doesn't matter.
#2: Grinding. To be a better gamer. To be the BEST. To beat my own limit. To improve my hand-eye-brain coordination. When I am playing seriously I often get stressed. But no worries. Moderate stress is healthy. LOL.

Honestly, I think my gaming habit is a bit lesser now. 3-7 hours per day instead of 24/7 like I used to.
Why? Hello! I'm trying to get a life here. I had none before this.
Sigh yet again.
But now i felt reborn anew. *claps*

My personality? Here's a list of mine that i'm sure of:
- Clumsy. weehee! Drop stuffs here and there. Snapped my hand (where before this i cracked it a few times). Don't ever let me do the 'stuff handling' sort of things, especially handling a 'this-is-rare-and-expensive' kind of stuff.
- Professional Slacker. Well actually just a common slacker. Professional as in lucky. Read books? Hello bed!
- My-Lappy-Is-My-Best-Friend. Yep. I guess I won't have to explain more on this one.
- Seasonal Loner. The ditched. Or simply solitude. Not always, but for me it is fun sometimes to be alone walking.
- Depressive. I can't be bored. That's why I'm writing this post. The fourth sigh.
- Silent. true true. But there are times I talk loud and hurt other people. sorry.
- Needs Attention. Who doesn't?
- Don't-Really-Care. If I think something is worth to be bought, I'll buy it. If I think something is worth to be worked for, I'll do it.
- Sharp-Starer. Sorry if i ever did this to you. The eyes are the first part to see of a person. Even though I wore a 200-degreed spec.
- You-Are-Never-Dull. This specifically to a certain type of attachment. (See my blog on Adjectamentum.) Give me something and I'll treasure it. Smile to me and I'll never get bored of it. Give me a song and I'll listen to it always. Common isn't it? Take that.
- Narrative. I simply love writing what's on my mind. Check my Facebook notes for my poems. =)
- Weird. Bear with me.

Here are the list of my personality based on other people:
- Cheerful? uh, maybe I like to jump-walk sometimes. Or talk loud. Or say happy things. I guess.
- Not an egoist? Not sure of that. Seriously. I hope I can be that type. =)
- Emo? Hey hey, I never did have a 'arisato-minato' hairstyle. Beat it.
- Kind? Not while playing dota. I'll try to be as kind as I can tho.
- Advice-giving? Maybe.
- Smoker? Sorry dad, i don't smoke.
- Hopeless Romantic? Personally this is the most exciting thing I've heard this time around. No comment. Sigh square.
- Perfectionist? Perfect isn't really my thing, but I like to try my best.
- Motivator? the 'come-on-come-on-you-can-do-it' stuff? Everyone does that. LOL.
- Annoying? at times. sorry about that.
- Tolerant? I dream to be a person with this trait.

Enough traits.
Oh yeah, In this blog I too shall talk about my set of ideals.
My motto? Do I really need to tell?
I had one back then, but now I guess i'm still looking for one.
Mine back then:

"Knowledge is POWER. HIDE it well."

Well, I got this from the Dawn Of War: Soul Storm game.
Hide can mean two things.
#1: Not to share. Baad!
#2: Not to show off. Good!
Symbolic? Think.

Then should you ask,
WHY starring ME YOU and THEM? but never did I mention any other person here?
HELLO!! This is just the intro dude.
I'll write some more later, and I'll try to express myself here.
Good job I've found myself a new hobby. sigh cube.
I love writing. I hope none of you will get annoyed by my posts.
Btw, It's my post so i can post it anytime I wanted!
Very well, talk to ya guy(s) later, more about me, you, them, and us.

The question remains,
"Mena x?"

Adios.